


Write the word, don't say it

by dactyliin (Volant)



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Epistolary, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 01:14:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12097482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volant/pseuds/dactyliin
Summary: Some things are easier to write than they are to say.





	Write the word, don't say it

Jim thinks everything’s okay until it’s not. 

He likes being friends with Spock. It’s good, and it’s easy, because friends can clasp shoulders and stare into each other’s eyes and risk their lives for each other. Friends can eat lunch together every day, and spend late nights doing paperwork together and teach each other about their cultural differences and never, ever-  _ ever- _ look at each other’s asses for more than five seconds. Ten. Fifteen, tops.

That’s all friend stuff, Jim’s pretty sure. 

So everything’s okay, it absolutely is, until one day Jim wakes up in sickbay after a little, bitty, inconsequential bout of anaphylactic shock (thanks a bunch, Calondia IV). The bay is empty, Bones probably griping about something to Chapel in his office, so Jim rolls onto his side and reaches for the glass of water that Spock never fails to leave at Jim’s bedside. This is a ritual that’s developed after months of saving each other’s lives and not always being able to wait for the other to wake up before resuming control of the bridge. 

Jim finds the glass, but when he picks it up, a piece of meticulously folded paper beneath it flutters off of the table and onto the floor. It takes an additional few minutes of contortion before Jim is able to pick it up, unfold it, and read what it says, which is:

_ Captain,  _

_ The Calondians were adamant that I convey their apologies for this incident. I have assured them that you would not harbor any ill will towards them.  _

_ LtCdr. Spock _

It’s written in black ink. The handwriting is so meticulous that for a split second, Jim thinks that it could have been typed. Then, he realizes that Spock took the time to write him a note assuring him that the situation was being handled and was, in his own way (probably- Jim’s willing to admit that he could be projecting a little bit) telling Jim not to worry. Jim can imagine Spock writing it, pen in hand, before creasing the paper and placing it carefully at Jim’s side. 

Jim thinks  _ God, I love him _ .

Jim thinks  _ oh, no _ .

And then what else is there to do, really, but write back?

 

_

 

_ Spock, _

_ Thanks for the heads up. If you see Bones, tell him I checked myself out. _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ _ _

 

_ Captain, _

_ I will be unable to meet this afternoon due to the timeliness of a botanical experiment. I am available at 2100 hours, should you wish to reschedule. _

_ Spock _

 

_ Spock, _

_ No worries, I have some catching up to do on the bridge anyway. 2100 should work fine. _

_ Jim _

 

_ _ _

 

_ Spock, _

_ Some slightly weird readings on Alpha today. Chekov’s on it. Keep an eye out. _

_ Jim _

 

_ _ _

 

_ Spock, _

_ I know you keep cancelling chess so you can watch microbes mutate through a microscope. Am I THAT boring? Anyway, I left the away team samples in the cooling chamber.  _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Captain, _

_ As Chief Science Officer, it is only logical that my study of newly discovered biological material take precedence over time spent at leisure. Do not forget to notify Dr. McCoy of the injuries you sustained on the surface of Cadmus III. He will be most distressed. _

_ Spock _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ What Bones doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Also, big words don’t scare me- start coming up with better excuses. _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ You ratted me out???? As spoon as th hpy o wears of ur DEAD n frget chess nigt i don want ply w a snthic 1! _

_ J _

  
  


_ Jim, _

_ I find myself unable to translate your last missive with any degree of confidence. Dr. McCoy assures me that he medicated you for “your own good” and that when you regain consciousness in approximately 12.23 hours, your various injuries (which, according to the doctor, included several broken ribs, a concussion, minor internal bleeding and a sprained wrist) will have begun to heal.  _

_ Please do not attempt to leave sickbay prior to receiving Dr. McCoy’s permission, as you may cause yourself further harm. The  _ Enterprise _ is en route to M-113, a journey which will take approximately 5.72 Terran days to complete.  _

_ Dr. McCoy has told me that humans often desire company when they are ill or injured. Following a period of rest and the conclusion of Beta shift, I will rejoin you in sickbay and relay any significant events that have taken place to you directly.  _

_ Spock _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ Fine, I’ll stick around. But only because you asked nicely. Get your ass down here, I’m bored. _

_ Jim _

 

_ _ _

 

_ Spock, _

_ I know you’ve got your hands full on the bridge, but when you’re free I need you to run some errands for me. Well, technically they’re for Scotty but I promised they’d get done. Delegate all you want, but I’d rather relay the info to you face to face. _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Captain, _

_ I will join you in Sickbay at 0800 hours.  _

_ Spock _

  
  


_ Lieutenant Commander Spock, _

_ Wow, back to the full title, huh?  _

_ See you then. _

_ Captain James Tiberius Kirk _

  
  


_ Captain, _

_ My breach of conduct was reprehensible.  _

_ May I remind you that Starfleet expressly forbids unauthorized mechanical upgrades? Mr. Scott should be well aware of that fact, as his record with Starfleet contains several citations in that vein.  _

_ Spock _

  
  


_ Lieutenant Commander, _

_ Nevermind, then. I flagged Rand down and got her to do the delegating for me. Don’t worry about 0800- I’m sure you have plenty of microbes that need attending to. _

_ Captain Kirk _

 

_ _  _

 

_ Spock- _

_ M-113’s got Bones fucked up so I’m the one cancelling chess tonight. Feel free to join us, if you’re open to watching us consume copious amounts of alcohol and become embarrassingly emotional.  _

_ Jim _

 

_ _ _

 

_ Spock _

_ We share a bathroom but I haven’t seen you in, like, a week. Approximately seven days. Sulu says you’re still alive, but I’d like to confirm that for myself. Dinner, 2000 hours? _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Captain, _

_ The mapping of a previously unknown creature’s genome is a time-consuming task. The Tribble’s has been particularly fascinating. I apologize for neglecting my professional and personal duties. I will meet you in the dining hall. _

_ LtCdr. Spock _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ You missed talent night for a Tribble? Don’t tell Uhura, she was so looking forward to hearing you play that Vulcan Lyre. I was too, by the way. You owe the crew. _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Captain, _

_ I apologize for causing you and Lt. Uhura to be disappointed. I often practice the lyre in the evening, and would not be disturbed if you chose to stay after our game concludes tonight. _

_ Spock _

 

_ _ _

 

_ Spock, _

_ Damn red alert, and the Klingons. That song was beautiful, whatever it was. How’s your head? _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Jim, _

_ Though the title of the piece would be unpronounceable by the human tongue, the song itself was written to commemorate the date of Surak’s bonding to his T’hy’la. Surak’s teachings had not yet been fully established, and so the song calls for some improvisation which can be stimulating under appropriate circumstances. I look forward to playing for you again. _

_ My injuries are healing adequately. _

_ Spock _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ What’s T’hy’la mean? Wife? It sounds fancy. And as long as you don’t mind me doing paperwork while you play, count on my being there for your practice hour. I haven’t felt that relaxed in weeks.  _

_ Get some rest.  _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Jim, _

_ T’hy’la is a word with many meanings. It has been equated to mean brother, friend, or lover but perhaps the closest approximation in the English language is “soulmate.” One with whom a Vulcan has nearly perfect mental compatibility. The finding of one’s T’hy’la was once thought to be a blessing from the gods, and is still considered a significant event by Vulcans today. _

_ I welcome your company, in any capacity. _

_ Spock _

 

_ _ _

 

_ Spock, _

_ So could you shake hands with someone one day (metaphorically speaking) and boom- have a T’hy’la? And if the word has lots of different meanings, does the finding of a T’hy’la always conclude with a bonding? Don’t tell me anything if you’re going to be violating some sacred Vulcan trust- I’m just curious.  _

_ And don’t forget Martine and Tomlinson’s wedding next week. As the official officiator of the ceremony, I’m making a formal request for you to attend. As formal as I can get without making it an order, anyway.  _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Jim, _

_ While Vulcans have found their T’hy’la upon meeting, it more often occurs that after a significant period of acquaintance, two or more people may discover that they have become T’hy’la. Whether or not the acquaintanceship becomes romantic in nature is a decision made by those involved and is not necessarily dictated by the bond itself. We share a similar compatibility. _

_ I will attend the wedding, but please request that Tomlinson find another to serve as his “best man.”  _

_ Spock _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ You saved the man’s life about three times. Let him make you his best man, it’s his way of saying thank you. All you’ve got to do is stand there and look pretty, which won’t be hard for you at all. Just saying. _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ Wait, I just reread that last note. Are we T’hy’la?  _

_ Jim _

 

_ _ _

 

_ Jim, _

_ Thanks are unnecessary. _

_ Spock _

 

_ _ _

 

_ Spock, _

_ You didn’t answer my question. Are we? _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ I know you’re awake, I can see the light on under the bathroom door. I’m just gonna keep pushing these through. _

_ Jim _

 

_ Spock, _

_ If we are, I want to know. I need to know, Spock. _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ Come on. Don’t make me say it. _

_ Jim _

  
  


_ Spock, _

_ I know you know how I feel about you, and I’m not dumb- I know you feel the same way. Or I hope you do. Open the door. _

_ Jim _

 

_ _ _

 

A couple hours after Jim’s given up on writing notes and retreated back to his quarters to enjoy a sleepless night, someone knocks on his door. His locked bathroom door.

There’s really only one person it can be.

Jim rolls out of bed and stumbles over. He taps the lock pad and the door slides open obligingly, to reveal Spock standing on the other side, arm raised as though he was about to knock again. 

Spock doesn’t look bad, exactly, but he does look more nervous than Jim’s ever seen him, barring any emotionally compromising alien interference. There are circles under Spock’s eyes, his hair’s a little rumpled, and he’s dressed- not in his Starfleet blues, but in a large, soft-looking sweater and comfortable looking trousers. His feet are bare. 

Jim swallows. He doesn’t think about the way Spock’s shoulders look wrapped in soft yarn. He doesn’t take a second look down at Spock’s knobbly, green-tipped Vulcan toes. 

“Captain,” Spock says.

“Hey Spock,” Jim replies. “Are those your pajamas?” As he speaks, Spock seems to settle, or maybe relax- as much as he can. Jim can practically hear what Spock’s thinking:  _ fascinating. The captain’s discomfort with emotional vulnerability results in the vocal statement of inane facts. I must investigate further. _

“Jim,” Spock says. “We are.”

“Are what,” Jim says. Spock’s neck looks really good nestled in his sweater’s cowl-neck. Sue him.

“T’hy’la,” Spock says. His voice is rough, hesitant. “We are T’hy’la. I apologize for misleading you, and understand if you are upset. The bonding is such that it will only be performed if both parties con-”

It’s about then that Jim’s heart starts beating again.

“Thank God,” he says. Spock stops speaking and gives him that patented “Captain, this is the exact opposite reaction that you should be having” look. 

“Spock,” Jim says. “I’ve been in love with you since- for a long time. You can explain why you didn’t tell me later. I consent, I fully - to whatever. Please call me Jim again.”

“Jim,” Spock says obediently, and steps over the threshold, into Jim’s quarters. His eyes are dark. They stand so close together that Jim can feel the heat radiating from Spock’s body. 

“T’hy’la,” Jim says. “Kiss me.”

Spock does.

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless fluff that's kept me sane through a long couple days. Let me know what you guys think!


End file.
